one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize