He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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