Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
