I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Randomize
