I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
