apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
