I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Randomize
