you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
