Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
