My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize