I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I could fuck to npr.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
