he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
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