"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
Randomize
