you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
