The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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