My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
