Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Randomize
