I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
Randomize
