Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
