Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
Randomize
