dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Randomize
