first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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