she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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