We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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