Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
