I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Randomize