I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
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