I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
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