hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
