so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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