I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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