I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
