Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize