i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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