tell your sister to shave her snatch
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
