I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Randomize
