so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
