don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
