You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Houston, we have a squirter
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
