walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
