The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
