Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
