her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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