I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
