Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
