What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Randomize
