When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
Randomize
