chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
