I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Randomize
