I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
