we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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