so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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