i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
