pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
