WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize
