Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
My pussy is not your playground.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
