just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
Randomize
