Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
