next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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