ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
