It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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