I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
