sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
