there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
