well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
