he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Randomize
