everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
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