Where did you get a picture of my penis
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
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