Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
