JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
third nipple confirmed
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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