honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize