Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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