my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
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