his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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