the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
