Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
