I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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