I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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