i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Randomize
