she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
This house was built for laser tag.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize